i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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