And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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