i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
