she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
