yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
