Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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