so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
