I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
