I can tuck mytits in my pants
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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