Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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