I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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