Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
