I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
