today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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