Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
