I want to have your abortion
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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