He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
my liver is dry heaving
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
