I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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