oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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