if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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