Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
