my phone needs a breathalizer
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
