my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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