I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
