am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
