Please, let me fuck your mom
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
