hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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