my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
