"it" just moved
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
