sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
