The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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