i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
