Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
