i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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