You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
