i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize