not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize