Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
