I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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