He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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