I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
