I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
