I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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