Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As shirtless as possible
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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