that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
