what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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