you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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