Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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