In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
