I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
