I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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