R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
