i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
