You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Randomize
