he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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