just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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