I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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