so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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