I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
