Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
