Well apparently he's into motor boating.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
