yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize