omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
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