i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
